Editor’s observe: When you’ve got been on social media these days and following conversations about relocation and marriage, you will need to have observed a development the place folks come on-line to share how relocation is taking a toll on marriages, and the way their mates (households, or somebody they know) are having one marital situation or one other on account of relocation.
Conversations round japa have garnered various narratives. Individuals advise you to have your particular person earlier than you relocate as it could get very lonely over there. In the identical vein, they’re having conversations concerning the affect of japa, new setting and tradition on marriages.
We perceive that navigating a brand new nation as a pair might be robust, which is why we’re inviting {couples} to share their experiences, evaluating life in Nigeria versus the nation they now reside in. On this 2-part collection, we discover points of affection, marriage and japa. Final week, we spoke to Reward and Oluwaseyi Ogunnowo who obtained married in 2020 and relocated to the Netherlands in 2022. Now, we’re in dialog with Oluwasanmi and Abigail who obtained married in 2022 and relocated the identical 12 months to the UK.
Oluwasanmi and Abigail
Whats up Oluwasanmi and Abigail. Thanks for becoming a member of us.
Hello, calabargist.
Did you get married right here in Nigeria earlier than relocating, and for a way lengthy?
Abigail: Sure, our marriage was within the first 12 months earlier than we relocated from Nigeria.
That’s superior. What nation?
Oluwasanmi: United Kingdom. We’ve been right here for a 12 months and a few months.
How did you run your own home earlier than leaving?
Oluwasanmi: Earlier than leaving Nigeria, I used to be liable for the payments and my spouse contributed an excellent share of her revenue in direction of our financial savings for the relocation.
Abigail: We each had been working, and each did chores. Like he mentioned, my husband was solely liable for the payments whereas a significant a part of my revenue was being saved.
How has the method of relocating overseas impacted your relationship?
Oluwasanmi: I’ll say relocating overseas hasn’t negatively impacted our relationship. Earlier than leaving Nigeria, we had open discussions and set clear expectations for the journey forward. This helped us in aligning our function and expectations. We’ve identified ourselves for over 7 years, so communication wasn’t an issue for us. In fact, we don’t should agree on every part, however we have now learnt that compromise is the true issue within the journey. One notable distinction is the cultural shift relating to monetary obligations. Right here, payments are shared, and every particular person takes duty for managing the house. This differs from many relationships in Nigeria. Moreover, for nearly every part right here, you’ll have to pay, haha. In Naija, there are issues you’re going to get free and even get completed free due to relationships. It’s fully a distinct ball sport proper right here. For each service, you will need to pay.
Abigail: It has solely made it higher. For me, there wasn’t notably something that was a tradition shock however, after all, we had just a few challenges which we solved collectively.
Inform us about one outstanding change you needed to make in your relationship, Oluwasanmi
Oluwasanmi: The direct reply to this shall be after we had been getting ready for our child. At the moment, I needed to do many of the home chores. And since it was a time whereas we had been shifting dwelling, I used to be combining getting issues for the home, doing home chores and dealing. It was fairly difficult, and to be trustworthy, if we had been in Nigeria, I might have many individuals to run a number of the errands for us. Right here, such assist is just not out there, and even whether it is, you’ll pay for it.
Did your new setting change your marriage in any approach, Abigail?
Abigail: We’ve continued the precise approach we ran our dwelling in Nigeria. It really works for us and we don’t intend to vary it but. This time, every particular person simply has to place in a bit extra work.
What ideas or values have guided your marriage and relationship in a brand new setting?
Oluwasanmi: First is knowing. Earlier than getting right here, we knew we had been going to a brand new place and likewise beginning a brand new life. We had a transparent understanding that iw gained’t be rosy or snug at first. The second is that we had an intensive dialogue earlier than we launched into the journey. We already selected our funds earlier than we left – your revenue is mine, mine is yours, and ours is for the house.
Abigail: Relocating places a pressure on relationships as a result of not everybody has the luxurious of getting issues work out the identical approach they did in Nigeria. Nonetheless, one precept that has helped me notably is knowing my companion, figuring out he can’t intentionally harm me. Additionally, communication is necessary as we have now totally different however distinctive thought patterns, letting one another know what we’re occupied with at every level. Individuals will at all times have issues to say about your companion, by no means hear.
Do you’ve any recommendation for {couples} planning to relocate?
Oluwasanmi: Focus on, focus on, and focus on once more. In fact, many issues gained’t occur as anticipated, however the settlement you reached in your dialogue will information you thru. The grass will not be greener on the opposite facet, however you’ll be able to water it to be greener for you. Above all, pray and belief God.
Abigail: Have a working plan earlier than relocating, and guarantee every get together is dedicated to it and on the identical web page earlier than setting sail. Be affected person, sort and thoughtful to at least one one other. Above all, put God first in case you imagine in him.
Thanks, Oluwasanmi and Abigail
Oluwasanmi and Abigail: Thanks for having us.
