Friday, April 19, 2024

Oluwasanmi & Abigail Talk to Us About Navigating Life As a Couple in the UK

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Editor’s observe: When you have been on social media these days and following conversations about relocation and marriage, you could have observed a pattern the place folks come on-line to share how relocation is taking a toll on marriages, and the way their mates (households, or somebody they know) are having one marital concern or one other resulting from relocation.   

Conversations round japa have garnered various narratives. Individuals advise you to have your individual earlier than you relocate as it could possibly get very lonely over there. In the identical vein, they’re having conversations in regards to the impression of japa, new surroundings and tradition on marriages. 

We perceive that navigating a brand new nation as a pair might be robust, which is why we’re inviting {couples} to share their experiences, evaluating life in Nigeria versus the nation they now reside in. On this 2-part collection, we discover points of affection, marriage and japa. Final week, we spoke to Reward and Oluwaseyi Ogunnowo who acquired married in 2020 and relocated to the Netherlands in 2022. Now, we’re in dialog with Oluwasanmi and Abigail who acquired married in 2022 and relocated the identical 12 months to the UK.

Howdy Oluwasanmi and Abigail. Thanks for becoming a member of us

Hello, calabargist.

Did you get married right here in Nigeria earlier than relocating, and for the way lengthy?

Abigail: Sure, our marriage was within the first 12 months earlier than we relocated from Nigeria.

That’s superior. What nation?

Oluwasanmi: United Kingdom. We’ve been right here for a 12 months and a few months.

How did you run your property earlier than leaving?

Oluwasanmi: Earlier than leaving Nigeria, I used to be chargeable for the payments and my spouse contributed proportion of her earnings in direction of our financial savings for the relocation.

Abigail: We each have been working, and each did chores. Like he mentioned, my husband was solely chargeable for the payments whereas a significant a part of my earnings was being saved.

How has the method of relocating overseas impacted your relationship? 

Oluwasanmi: I’ll say relocating overseas hasn’t negatively impacted our relationship. Earlier than leaving Nigeria, we had open discussions and set clear expectations for the journey forward. This helped us in aligning our objective and expectations. We’ve recognized ourselves for over 7 years, so communication wasn’t an issue for us. After all, we don’t should agree on every little thing, however now we have learnt that compromise is the actual issue within the journey. One notable distinction is the cultural shift relating to monetary tasks. Right here, payments are shared, and every particular person takes accountability for managing the house. This differs from many relationships in Nigeria. Moreover, for nearly every little thing right here, you’ll have to pay, haha. In Naija, there are issues you’re going to get free and even get completed free due to relationships. It’s fully a special ball sport proper right here. For each service, you could pay.

Abigail: It has solely made it higher. For me, there wasn’t significantly something that was a tradition shock however, after all, we had a couple of challenges which we solved collectively.

Inform us about one outstanding change you needed to make in your relationship, Oluwasanmi

Oluwasanmi: The direct reply to this will likely be once we have been making ready for our child. At the moment, I needed to do a lot of the home chores. And since it was a time whereas we have been shifting house, I used to be combining getting issues for the home, doing home chores and dealing. It was fairly difficult, and to be trustworthy, if we have been in Nigeria, I’d have many individuals to run a few of the errands for us. Right here, such assist will not be accessible, and even whether it is, you’ll pay for it.

Did your new surroundings change your marriage in any means, Abigail?

Abigail: We’ve continued the precise means we ran our house in Nigeria. It really works for us and we don’t intend to vary it but. This time, every individual simply has to place in just a little extra work

What ideas or values have guided your marriage and relationship in a brand new surroundings?

Oluwasanmi: First is knowing. Earlier than getting right here, we knew we have been going to a brand new place and in addition beginning a brand new life. We had a transparent understanding that it gained’t be rosy or comfy at the start. The second is that we had an intensive dialogue earlier than we launched into the journey. We already selected our funds earlier than we left – your earnings is mine, mine is yours, and ours is for the house.

Abigail: Relocating places a pressure on relationships as a result of not everybody has the posh of getting issues work out the identical means they did in Nigeria. Nonetheless, one precept that has helped me significantly is knowing my companion, understanding he can not intentionally damage me. Additionally, communication is essential as now we have totally different however distinctive thought patterns, letting one another know what we’re excited about at every level. Individuals will all the time have issues to say about your companion, by no means hear.

Do you may have any recommendation for {couples} planning to relocate?

Oluwasanmi: Talk about, focus on, and focus on once more. After all, many issues gained’t occur as anticipated, however the settlement you reached in your dialogue will information you thru. The grass is probably not greener on the opposite facet, however you may water it to be greener for you. Above all, pray and belief God.

Abigail: Have a working plan earlier than relocating, and guarantee every social gathering is dedicated to it and on the identical web page earlier than setting sail. Be affected person, sort and thoughtful to 1 one other. Above all, put God first when you imagine in him.

Thanks, Oluwasanmi and Abigail

Oluwasanmi and Abigail: Thanks for having us.

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