Monday, April 22, 2024

Olamikanra Oluwakemi: Who Said You Are Not Beautiful?

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The definition of magnificence has at all times been elusive to me. In line with the Oxford Dictionary, magnificence is “a mixture of qualities, reminiscent of form, color, or kind, that pleases the aesthetic senses, particularly the sight.” Nonetheless, I discover this definition missing as a result of it renders magnificence to be ambiguous. If the usual of what’s lovely will depend on the viewer’s aesthetic notion, then the idea of magnificence is ambiguous by definition. Does this imply that being lovely is subjective and fluid in definition? Or is that this definition false? Do folks care an excessive amount of about one thing that doesn’t truly matter?

In in the present day’s world, we’re bombarded with pictures of excellent fit-fam figures and distinctive bodily quirks and options. There’s a sturdy thirst, fueled by the media, to current perfection in all points of life. Girls, specifically, really feel the strain to excel of their careers, keep a spotless residence, and at all times look flawless. The flexibility to maintain each single hair in place whereas creating an plain affect within the office and in some way by no means getting wrinkles is one thing many attempt for. It’s to the purpose the place perceived identification issues greater than precise identification and it’s a quandary of selections for the person who finds that the latter is extra essential.

Statistics present that 80% of ladies have referred to as themselves fats, 79% have handled a unfavorable physique picture, 45% have in contrast the way in which they give the impression of being to a Barbie doll and 53% assume Barbie represents the best physique kind. Many questions come to thoughts at these figures, however probably the most essential one could be why a Barbie doll is the wonder customary {that a} majority of ladies maintain themselves to. I’ve additionally, sooner or later, held myself to the identical customary. Watching the Barbie film was ironic and therapeutic, because it showcased how empty these magnificence requirements could be.

As a toddler rising up in a standard Nigerian family, I used to be usually subjected to unfavorable feedback about my tomboyish trend sense, stocky physique construction, and total plain look. I grew up caught in a perpetual mire of doubt concerning my look and whether or not or not I might ever meet the requirements for magnificence. Even now, as an grownup with a optimistic physique picture, my preliminary response to compliments about my look is at all times a pleasing shock, humorous deprecating remarks, reluctant acceptance, after which gratitude, in that precise order. The final two normally solely occur when the individual giving compliments repeats their feedback.

Someplace in my tumultuous journey in direction of maturity, I had embraced the concept that I might by no means be a lovely woman and I used to be incapable of reaching the extent of enchantment that made different women get referred to as fairly so simply. I made a decision I wouldn’t battle to succeed in the wonder requirements as a result of I didn’t have the options to qualify anyway. 

I wore saggy garments to cover my extensive hips and wore a jacket on a regular basis as a result of my arms have been on the flabby aspect. I favoured massive hair that coated half of my face as a result of if my options weren’t seen, nobody might determine if I used to be fairly or not. This dedication to protecting up with layers earned me the nickname “homeless individual” in college and I humorously ran with it, deciding it was higher to make jokes about it than speak about not feeling fairly sufficient to put on much less.

A turning level got here when a good friend randomly referred to as me “scorching” whereas I modified garments as we chatted within the hostel. I froze and questioned if I used to be being mocked. I laughed and requested her to cease however she repeated the assertion, describing what she discovered enticing about my options. She then went on to speak about her physique insecurities and I listened, my complete mind-set in equal elements shock and confusion as she described what I assumed was the proper physique with derision. She was slim, tall, and darkish and I assumed she regarded like an ideal Nubian goddess. I spent the remainder of the dialog assuring her that she regarded nice, however simply as I couldn’t perceive why she thought I regarded good, she couldn’t perceive why I assumed she was lovely.

Intentional conversations after this expertise would educate me that almost all girls stroll round feeling insecure and incapable of assembly the widely accepted requirements of magnificence. Each lady I’ve mentioned this matter with feels they lack, in lots of areas, the place magnificence is anxious. From fats higher arms to like handles, skinny or thick legs, hairiness, android hips, and inverted physique shapes, virtually each lady is insecure about their appears in a technique or one other.

So is true magnificence slimmer thighs and a buxom bosom? Or is it a barely present waist and 4D hips tapering all the way down to slim, well-rounded calves? I suppose there’s nobody reply. I feel that the query isn’t even about what’s lovely or not. Somewhat, it’s whether or not you see magnificence while you take a look at your physique. 

For each lady, massive or small, mild or dark-skinned, and tall or quick, there’s a want first deliberately to construct a optimistic physique picture. Reaching this would be the first in lots of steps towards seeing and accepting the inherent magnificence everybody has. This may solely be accomplished after we determine that the usual for magnificence is nonexistent.

Since magnificence is within the eye of the beholder, then the one beholder that issues is you. In my journey to growing a optimistic view of myself, thick calves, stretch marks, and all, I spent loads of time wanting within the mirror and observing my options. After a couple of uncomfortable weeks of solely seeing issues I hated or wanted to alter, I grew to become extra comfy and began to note options I didn’t know I had – the tiny cute birthmarks peppered throughout my torso and elements of my arms, how my legs, though thick, tapered down fairly properly, or the form of my eyes, the pure lining of my lips, and my smile. I used to be slowly falling in love with the individual I noticed within the mirror and she or he was cute and likewise had dimples.

The purpose right here is to take a great take a look at your self with out being influenced by exterior voices or media requirements. At first, you may really feel uncomfortable or need to look away, however finally, you’ll discover the distinctive and delightful options that make you who you’re. True acceptance begins with your self. Should you don’t settle for your self, others will do the identical.

Should you requested me what true magnificence is, I nonetheless wouldn’t have a transparent reply. Nonetheless, I imagine that true magnificence is self-acceptance. It’s about acknowledging and validating who you’re and what you seem like pretty much as good. No matter what number of exterior adjustments you make, the individual inside you stays the identical. Each time you look within the mirror, the reflection staring again at you is determined by the individual inside.

Self-acceptance means loving your self for who you’re, even when you have buck tooth, flabby arms or the rest that you simply don’t like about your self. Should you determine to alter one thing, both organically or with medical assist, the one factor that should stay fixed is your acceptance of who you see within the mirror. You can too unfold this magnificence by serving to different girls be taught to like themselves and settle for themselves for who they’re. If extra girls discovered to like themselves and settle for themselves for who they’re, we might create a world the place over 80% of ladies have a optimistic physique picture.


Characteristic Picture by George Milton for Pexels

The put up Olamikanra Oluwakemi: Who Stated You Are Not Lovely? appeared first on calabargist – Showcasing Africa to the world. Learn in the present day!.

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